Cold of Mikramurka

My hands have felt the cold of Mikramurka

I have tasted
the waters of Lenai
the blue of the chill sky
the cry of the hawk in high summer

My heart has felt the cold of Mikramurka

I remember
and can find no warmth
this place is not known by my ancestors

(Traditional, "Cold of Mikramurka")

Talking and not talking

Sometimes, talking about stuff helps. Clears the mind, makes the unknown something you can grasp and make peace with.

And sometimes, talking does not help at all. It makes your life about what happened, lets your thoughts turn around in what is now, and makes it more difficult to find a way forward.

Assumptions about people

It can be too easy to assume other people are like me, just because we share some characteristics. Assume they essentially think and feel like I do, different only in small details.

It isn't true. They can be, and really are different.

Sometimes, this knowledge hits home, and makes me feel very small.

Meaningful and enjoyable?

I have found having your life to be meaningful and having it be enjoyable can be two different things. Sometimes, it is possible to have both.

What makes life meaningful for you?

Freedom

Freedom has many edges and can cut many ways. Sometimes, it cuts you.

Life continues

After every night comes morning, and a new day.

Life continues. You face what needs to be faced, fight what needs to be fought, build what needs to be built.

In space, the sun does not rise, the seasons do not turn. Is that why this simple truth can be so difficult to remember?

Drinking while moody

About one and a half years ago, I decided to not get drunk when I'm feeling out of sorts, as little good seemed to come out of it. The resolution lasted until yesterday.

So far, breaking it has not seemed like a good idea.

Home is a feeling

My clan holds home is not a place, or even people who inhabit it. Homemaking ceremony is one we do several times in our lives.

Home is a feeling. A sense of identity. A connection to our ancestors. The value of the ceremony is in making us remember, renewing the bond so we do not forget them, and they do not forget us.

Like Water

There are poems for warriors, and poems for builders.
This is one from my clan:

We are strong like water is strong.
Try to contain us, and we will find a new path.
Try to freeze us, and we will burst all bounds.
Try to burn us, and we fall back everywhere like rain.

I am strong like water is strong. I will find a new path.

Unwanted gifts

Sometimes, people do not want what you have to give.

They say time heals all wounds. Over time you can stop caring, find new people, new things. Is stepping back, clean break for the best?

Living in a glass box

Some days ago I got the advice that it is good to assume everything I say will eventually become public.

What a truly frightening way to live a life.

I'd feel constricted to death without friends. Without emotional intimacy and the freedom of saying what I think without worrying if it is proper. Never letting out any steam. Having to try to be perfect all the time.

I suppose the above means my career choice skills are not terribly convincing. At least I'm not a diplomat or a PR person.

Naivete

I seem to have lots of it.

Pride goes before fall

Yes. What a mortifying thought. I'm so happy I'm not a diplomat or a PR person.

Capsuleering certainly does its best to teach me humility. I try to console myself by claiming it is this "growing up" thing I keep hearing about.

Hateful see offense where none is meant

Real courtesy is not about turns of phrase.

It is about refraining from splitting hairs, about making a honest effort to try to see the meaning and thoughts behind the words. About giving people the benefit of doubt, instead of being too quick to assume the worst.

Words and feelings

Lately I've started to wonder if words are the right tool for describing and considering feelings.

Words are a tool of the intellect, and language a structure built to enable thought. Creating understanding and insight with words requires precision of expression and concepts.

However, with feelings the expressions often seem to be missing. There are no scales for quantitative comparison, no names and categories for qualitative judgements, the interdependencies and causalities cannot be properly described.

If words were well suited for describing feelings, would the problem of trying to figure out what you feel exist at all?

If words were well suited for describing feelings, would not human lives be fundamentally different?