Choosing the evil you fight

I came to the realization that the world is not a very nice place sometime after I became a capsuleer.

I just can't fix it all. That task is just too huge for me, for anybody. So I try to make just a small part of it better. That is better than trying to do everything and achieving nothing.

Or so I prefer to tell my concience.

Back from vacation

Vacation was very good. I enjoyed GW.

Getting back and having a real bath, eating real food, sleeping in a real bed is also very good.

Paths, adjacent and apart

In life, we all have our own paths to walk.

Sometimes our path runs adjacent to paths of other people for a time. And sometimes they split apart, no matter how much we'd wish otherwise.

25

My 25th birthday was yesterday. Already.

Clone update medicals

I dislike clone update medical checkups.

I know having regular checks is really good, but they are still a reminder of something I would rather not think about.

Cheery and upbeat

That's me.

Fake windows

My apartment has a fake window in the dining area.

A holo of space. I change the view now and then, to match my mood, furnishings and also for variety.

It used to show Matar in the past months, the swirling clouds and the planet slowly rotating on it's axis. But that started to feel a bit moody so now it is back to Nakugard sky. I love the colours.

Making it show a regular planetside view just does not feel right.

Ghost pains

It is said that if a limb is cut off, you get ghost pains. It hurts where the missing limb should be.

Where no bird flies

Light wrapped by dark
Chains of air crisscrossing
Where no bird flies

(Ryuna Rai, "Of stations")

Looking for new music.

Happy new year 113

Happy new year 113!

It was a good party.

Changed faces

Yesterday, I was looking at the people on comms in our corp channel.

Familiar faces. Some of them I have known since I first joined. Others are newer, joined after me. I remember people who are gone. We are not the same group of people as we were three and half years ago.

I've never worked for a non-clan corporation for a longer period of time before Gradient. It feels like people change so quickly. Is that just an illusion?

Lacking updates

I have been busy with things, and not felt much like writing here lately.

I still intend to keep updating sometimes. Right now, other things just seem more important. Or easier to do.

Once an error

Once an error
Twice a fool
Thrice a habit

Vacation plans

To everybody who has been commenting about it:

Yes, I have been bit busy lately.

And yes, I do intend to have a vacation for a couple of weeks soon. I just want to get a few things in order first.

Alive, busy

I'm alive, just busy lately. It is good to have work one enjoys.

Assumptions about people

It can be too easy to assume other people are like me, just because we share some characteristics. Assume they essentially think and feel like I do, different only in small details.

It isn't true. They can be, and really are different.

Sometimes, this knowledge hits home, and makes me feel very small.

Sanshas, suicide pills

I was in Hek yesterday, shooting Sansha battleships and a carrier.
In recent news.

Not good thoughts, tonight.

Psychologists and capsuleers

This came up on a comm channel. I decided to post because a rookie pilot seemed self-concious about it.

Yes, I am seeing a shrink. I have regular appointments.

Consider the line of work capsuleers are engaged in. Consider the responsibility we have. Seeing a therapist to help you keep perspective is a perfectly normal, healthy and responsible thing to do. Staying sane is part of the job.

On the nature of willpower

What is willpower like?

Is it like candy, something to hoard and gone once consumed? Or is it like a muscle, growing stronger in use?

Capsuleers and corpses

Many capsuleers seem to have a fascination with corpses.

They collect corpses. Friendly, hostile or unknown; it does not seem to matter.

They keep their prizes in the freezer and compare their collections of deceased human flesh like one might compare collections of paperbooks or holoreels.

I find it creepy. Extremely creepy.

What kind of person gets satisfaction out of owning the remains of dead people? Dead friends?